Why
by Peachy Moose
Summary: He hates what he sees in the mirror...he hates himself
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: this was born randomly possibly because I LOVE Mass Effect soo much! So please give it a read tell me what you think of it in the reviews! No flaming please! Set during mass effect 2**

**Beta: DanniJean she is awesome go read her stories! **

**Warnings: minor self harm, sadnessness! **

**Disclaimer: all characters belong to the creators of mass effect I am not receiving profit for this!**

**XOXO Peachy**

Why

His body heats up with anger as he looks into the mirror of the men's room. He hates what he sees, how he feels, and himself. He's disgusting obviously, that's why she doesn't care for him.

Every time she comes out of the main life support with a dreamy smile on her face his heart smashes into pieces, that beautiful smile wasn't for him.

He lifted one three fingered hand tipped with talons and runs it over the bandages on the right side of his face. He runs it over his mandible roughly.

He looks horrid! She should've left him die he'll never find a mate looking like this, such destruction of his face would never allow him to win her heart, let alone another potential mate ever again.

He grazed a talon over the scars that were visible from underneath the bandage, he lets his mind wander as he massaged the ruined plate.

Every day; it's torture, to love someone so deeply, so much that it's almost physically impossible not to touch them or hold them close to you.

You love then to such an extent; only to watch them fall in love with another, right in front of you.

He's pathetic, ugly, useless and faulty that's why she cares for Thane, the dying Drell, rather then him; her best friend. If she really cared for him as her best friend then why couldn't she see how badly he wanted to it end.

None of these thoughts were helping with his anxiety, he found himself thinking back to the incident that caused all this, back to his time on Omega. Every time he closes his eyes he sees the faces of his team mates that he lost. It was his fault if only he wasn't so damn stupid! If only he hadn't fallen for Sidonis's trick! They would still be here, that gunship never would have caught him, and he never would have taken a missile to the face.

Why is it that he deserved to live and they didn't?

He's gotten roughly two hours of sleep in the past week. Everything he eats tastes like shit and comes back up in an hour. His ass is dragging on the ground and no one seems to notice. Its not that he wants someone to care. He just wants HER to care, to love him the way he loves her, to stop him before he ends it all.

His hand went down and griped the edge of the sink. He squeezed the metal as hard as he could breaking off all six of his talons. Tears began to stream down his face. They were dark blue so different from hers just like everything about him. He growls in anger and head butts the mirror so hard it shatters; glistening shards of glass fall around him, clinking as they hit the floor.

"Gunnery Chief Vakarian I noticed a spike in your heart rate and a change in your voice pattern, do you need me to call Dr. Solus?" EDI's blue avatar appeared next to him.

_yes!_

"No EDI I'm fine thank you," he whispered gently to the Normandy's AI. She disappeared and he was once again surrounded by silence and alone with his disgusting self. He left the bathroom and quickly made his way over to the battery, at least there he can lock the doors.

"Garrus! You are bleeding are you injured?" He heard the well mannered and dual toned voice from behind him. He didn't realize his fingers were bleeding. He turned to Thane and glared into his concerned eyes.

"No I'm good Thane I just cut myself no big deal," he said in his most casual flanging tone he could muster. Thane could only blink up at him with large questioning black eyes.

"Are you positive? You don't wish for me to contact the Doctor?" He said concern swirling in his eyes. Garrus lowered his mandible in a smile and curled his hands into fists to hide his talon-less fingers.

"No really I'm fine thank you though," he responded calmly gritting his teeth. He turned and continued up a few steps and down the catwalk to his station. He sealed the doors behind him, he leaned against them with a sigh. No wonder she loves Thane; He's sleek and elegant like her, he's humanoid with the most striking greens and yellows coloring his body.

Garrus shook his head in frustration; he on the other hand is all sharp angles, solid muscle, and hard carapace. His plates; a boring grey the only colors where his blue eyes, blue colony tattoos and his visor. He wasn't soft to lay on; he was all solid muscle. He was over 6'5 in height and his teeth sharper then her combat knife. He shook his head again and crawled into his cot and he stared at the wall. He's a Turian and she's a human, why would she want him?

He will never be ok again.

Never.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I know I know everyone wants her to run to him and confess her love but it just keep reading and we shall see ;)**

**Beta: DanniJean! I'm also calling this our story sooooo go read hers! **

**Disclaimer: only own the story**

**Enjoy**

**XOXO Peachy**

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Why 2

He stared as his console silently; his blue eyes briefly flickering over to his rifle, it beckoned him to end his pain. His fingers where itching to hold it, to feel its weight in his grasp.

This had been a very very bad evening for him. He had gone on a mission with Jane and Thane, no big deal; just ignore them, should be easy right? Wrong, it was nightmare! They had to fight through four floors of Blood Pack mercs including krogans!

When they finally reached the roof for extraction the sun was setting beautifully on the Illium skyline. Thane took Jane into his arms, kissed her, then told her he loved her...she said it back...with a beautiful smile...right in front of him...right in front of him. His resolve and his heart shattered, he felt intense pain dancing through his veins, every cell screamed in agony.

He felt something die inside of him, just shrivel up and die. He had been staring between his rifle and his console for he forgot how long. It was way past time for him to be asleep but he couldn't, he tried.

He couldn't wait to take on the collectors, hoping he wouldn't make it back, and if he did he was going to find a nice quiet place with just him and the barrel of his rifle.

He rested his forehead against the console, the cold metal lulling him to fitful sleep.

* * *

A loud thump woke him. He jerked upward and grabbed his rifle on instinct. Then he heard it again, but her beautiful voice accompanied it this time. "Garrus! Open the god damn door!"

She was angry, no she couldn't be he didn't want her to be angry with him. He didn't want to lose her anymore then he already had! He unsealed the door as fast as he could, only to immediately regret it. There she stood; fierce and absolutely beautiful. What remained of his heart fluttered painfully.

"What the hell is going on Garrus! You had the door hacked so tightly EDI couldn't even get through it!" He looked away from her; feeling shame filling him.

"I-I'm sorry Shepherd I didn't mean-" he began and she abruptly cut him off.

"No I don't know what's wrong with you or what your god damn problem is but whatever got lodged up your ass you better un-lodge it!" She yelled at him "Until then don't speak to me, you know what? Better yet stay away from me!" She whirled around and stormed off to the life support.

He turned around shut the door and curled up in a ball in the corner, his eyes blown wide, he began to hyperventilate. He buried his face into his hands and sobbed. He was in so much pain!

He stood; hours later , his knees shook violently as he wobbled to his work table. He grabbed his pistol. He pressed its cold unforgiving metal underneath his chin. Then he quickly threw it back onto the table and backed away.

* * *

The next two days passed in a blur. He hadn't left the battery once; not even to eat, everything had began to smell disgusting now, only adding to the unbearable taste. He was sick and he knew it. He's been awake these passed two days; sitting in that corner...he was sick, and he knew it.

* * *

It has been a total of two weeks and two days since he had eaten anything, four days since he's spoken to anyone. His need for water drove him out of his safe place and into the mess hall. He was very dizzy and had to hold on to the railing.

His vision was swimming and he felt as though his body was on fire. He stumbled and grabbed on to one of the tables, black spots beginning to appear, obscuring his vision. He held on and tried to focus on his breathing, but everything quickly went black.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: this should help clear up chapter two let me know what you think! :) I also have some free time to write and upload but that will not be the case soon soooo ill try to update like every two days!**

**Warning: twistyness!**

**Disclaimer: don't own mass effect**

**Hope you enjoy this**

**XOXO Peachy**

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Why

"Commander, Dr. Solus requests your presence in the medbay," The blue avatar popped up in her private quarters. She had been pacing back and forth for what felt like ages; waiting for Mordin to be finished with Garrus.

When they'd found him laying unconscious on the floor of the mess hall right at the foot of the stairs; she panicked, but Mordin told her she could not be in the medbay with him at this time. She'd been beside herself with worry ever since.

She rushed to the elevator, punched the button and silently willed the elevator to go faster. After what felt like the longest ride if her life, she rushed the doors as they opened to the crew deck, she raced into the medbay. "What's wrong with him?!" She panted from her brief sprint.

Mordin regarded her for a moment with an unreadable expression. He motioned with two fingers for her to follow him. They went to the cot that Garrus was lying on, his hands where all bandaged up, he had tubes and wires coming out of both his arms. His heartbeat was weak on the monitor.

"Severe infection. All talons missing. Also severe depression and fever from infection," he spoke rapidly at her, rather than to her, giving her a disapproving look.

"All his talons? When...how long?" She stammered; confused immensely, why hadn't she noticed this? What kind of Commander was she? Better yet what kind of friend?

"Also malnourished. Weighs significantly less then normal for a Turian as tall as he," Mordin tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Momentarily awoke mumbled something about you coming in to the main battery and yelling at him. That he needed to apologize to you. You telling him to stay away from you? Doesn't sound like something you would say. Do you recall?"

Her eyes widened "No! I never told him to stay away from me! I would only knock on his door and he would tell me he's in the middle of something important, so I left him alone!" She was flabbergasted! What the hell was going on with him!

"Hmm I see. Had to sedate him heavily, kept trying to get away. To find you. Extreme hallucinations due to infection and malnourishment. This is serious Commander. Why didn't you catch on to it?" Mordin's tone was swift and disapproving.

She looked down at her best friend; the man she trusted the most, weak and sick. She felt tears prickle in the corners of her eyes.

"I don't know Mordin," she whispered and reached down and placed a small, five fingered hand on his large, three fingered bandaged one. She smiled it looked nice there. Then she quickly retracted it. She couldn't feel that way, she loved Thane.

Or at least she thought she did. She grabbed a chair and pulled it up to his cot. "I'll be in lab. Call if need anything!" And Mordin was gone. It was just her, Garrus and her lingering confusion. She rested her arms on the edge of the cot, she touched his bandaged hand lightly.

She reached up and touched the scarred side of his face softly. She traced his royal blue colony marks across his silvery face and rested it on his cheek. She looked down at her other hand but kept one on his face.

He shifted and opened his eyes slowly; they were heavily lidded and bright with fever. He slowly brought his hand up and cupped the small, delicate one resting on his cheek. "H-hi b-beautiful," he said as best he could. She stiffened, did he just call her beautiful?

She pulled her hand away, he reached for her. "How do you feel?" She asked her heart fluttering painfully in her chest.

"I-I'm...sorry...I.." He trailed off clearly fighting the sedation.

"Garrus I never yelled at you," she whispered to him desperately wanting an explanation. He blinked hard a few times.

"Y-yes...you...angry...I-I... Locked...the...do-..." He trailed off again and his eyes shut. He was asleep again and Jane felt the tears sliding down her face, she felt so confused. She heard the medbay doors open but didn't pay attention to it.

"Siha, are you alright?" She jumped when she realized it was Thane. She felt the warmth of his hand on her shoulder. She didn't want to see him right now, she put her head down.

"Yeah Thane I'm alright," she lied. He was silent for a moment.

"Siha, there is a very important matter I wish to speak to you about. But it can wait," he whispered, he leaned down and kissed her on the head. She was about to speak but he was gone before she could answer. She put her head on her arm and growled in frustration. What the hell was she going to do?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: here I am again! I hope this is good. This story is just writing itself I swear! **

**Any who I just wanted to say I love all you reviewers please keep them coming! **

**AND I love you all :)**

**Beta: DanniJean I would die if she didn't beta this god love her! :)**

**Disclaimer: don't own! (Only the story :P**)

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Why4

He could hear her beautiful voice all around him, soothing his aching muscles and cooling his overheated body. He couldn't make out what she was saying but, it sounded like silver bells gently chiming.

He dreamed of her in his sedation, he just wanted to wrap his arms around her tiny body, pull her to his chest and bury his nose in her hair. He wanted to mark her with his scent, therefore everyone would know that she was his.

He wanted to bond with her for life; have, or maybe even adopt, children. He felt his chest ache, it was not him holding her and loving her, it was another man. He had never quite liked Thane that much to begin with; but now, now he hated him. He hated Thane for selfishly taking away the only thing he cared about.

Then again be couldn't blame him. Even if he wasn't there she still would've choose someone better, more attractive, not useless like himself.

He could smell her sweet scent; she was close, but his eyes wouldn't budge, he couldn't wake up. He felt delicate warmth on his hand, then his face. It was too real to be a dream. He needed to know it wasn't. He forced his eyes open.

It took a moment to focus, but when his pupils adjusted...he saw her. Her beautiful red hair, those green eyes; but those eyes appeared puffy and red, she was crying? No she shouldn't be crying. He opened his mouth and said the first thing that came to mind.

"H-hey b-beautiful," she looked up into his eyes and stiffened. Oh no he said the wrong thing. He tried to apologize but his mouth wasn't working. She pulled her hand away, and he followed wanting nothing more than to feel it on his face again.

She was speaking again, he heard the chiming bells. He again tried to apologize to her, but his vocal cords felt frozen.

"I never yelled at you Garrus," she looked at him desperately . He fought the urge to close his eyes and drift back to sleep as hard as he could. He tried to explain to her that she did in fact yell at him, but his mouth wouldn't form the words.

The heavy weight of sleep pooled over him, he was lulled back to blackness and away from her. He knew she was still there he could smell her, beautiful scent, that only she possessed. He drifted further away.

* * *

He woke with a gasp, it was dark, the only light coming from a console on the other side of the medbay. He breathed in and out slowly. "Ah Garrus your awake!" The lights flicked on and illuminated Mordin. "Fever broke last night. Fingers aren't healed all the way. Mind telling me how?" Garrus looked away from the rapidly speaking professor.

He didn't want to explain himself he didn't want to look weak, his current outer condition was weak enough, he didn't need anyone knowing of his inner battle.

"You love her," Garrus's head snapped up to the Doctor. Damn him for being so intuitive! Garrus chose not to answer.

"If it helps...loves you to, I believe," he began to unhook Garrus from the machines. He didn't answer, he didn't want to believe it; because if it wasn't true he wouldn't make it to the collector base.

"Free to go. Come back every four hours for medicine. Also take these every eight hours," he handed Garrus a bottle of antidepressants. He took them silently and left the medbay with his head down.

He entered the battery, and was met with silence. He set the pill bottle down. He didn't want to take them; but then again they would make him drowsy that would help his nonexistent sleeping pattern.

He sighed; he could still smell her scent, feel her hand on his face. He wanted to see her so badly, no...he needed to see her. He made his way through the mess hall toward the elevator. He was going to go to her cabin, talk to her, tell her the truth. It was time he couldn't wait anymore.

He stood at the elevator entrance trying to raise his confidence, when his sharp Turian hearing picked up sounds of a conversation coming from the life support; It was muffled, but he knew Shepherd was in there. It sounded like it was getting heated.

He pushed the button and decided to wait for her in her cabin. After a slow ride to her room he hesitated, but went inside all the same. He sat on the leather couch by her bed and waited, feeling his heart smacking against his ribcage.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: yo yo yo! Whaddup y'all? This chapter is super intense, not even lying! Your reviews are sweet! Please review more it helps me write.

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Why 5

She entered the life support cautiously; Thane had been acting strange for entirety of Garrus' fever scare. She knew this conversation was either going to break her heart, or make her furious. She took a deep breath and sat across from him at his table.

His delicate green hands were linked together, resting gently on the surface of the metal table, he was staring at them silently; as if mediating. The silence seemed to stretch on for ages, she fidgeted in her chair. Finally he looked up to her, took a breath.

"Siha, I don't want to come off as jealous or rude, and I don't want to insult you or hurt your feelings. But I think that it would be in our best interest if this thing between us ends. I'm at the end of my life, I don't want to leave you behind grieving, maybe if you dislike me then you won't hurt as much when I go to the sea.

But I also think that your love may not be completely with me, and I can't help but feel angry because, I ...I feel as though you weren't being honest when you told me you loved me," he trailed off there; tears began rolling down her face. That hit her like a ton of bricks, she did love him, she just might love Garrus too.

"Thane I was completely honest when I said I loved you!" She argued back through her tears. He looked away from her, his eyes becoming glossy and his voice getting thick.

"Please don't say that," he whispered gently his voice wavering slightly. "Just tell me the truth, I deserve that much," there was an air of anger in his tone. She recoiled; how could he be this way? She confessed her love she meant it, she just wasn't sure if she loved another too.

The dim lighting in the room was dancing off his beautiful skin, his emerald green glowing slightly, and the yellow blending gently. He was extremely beautiful, in many aspects, but she felt pain when she saw him this way. "Thane please-" she began trying to save their relationship as best she could.

"No," he cut her off "It's over Siha. I'll always care for you, but Irikah is waiting for me on the shore, I will go to her, and you shall go to him," he whispered the last part gently, a tear sparkled down his cheek gently. "He will live a long life, you need to live yours with him, get married, have children. He will always be there when you wake up, I won't be," she stood up from the table, and silently walked to the door.

As soon as it shut she heard a shuttering sob from within. She wanted to return, to tell him he was just being stupid, but she didn't. Something deep inside her told her he was right. She got herself together and made her usual rounds; going to every station, seeing how everyone was doing. Things went very well everyone was fine and dandy.

Pretty soon she was staring at the battery door; she took a deep breath, Mordin had said he's been taking medication and is improving slowly. She put her palm against the green center, it dinged once and circled around before opening to reveal an empty console.

He wasn't there, she strode in and looked around it was empty, he wasn't here? She didn't see him anywhere on her rounds? Maybe he went to the bathroom or something, yeah that's it, she'll just see him tomorrow. She turned and calmly walked to the elevator, punched the button and waited through the super long ride.

Her only wish was to crawl into bed and disappear, hot tears make their way down her face again, she didn't bother to wipe them away. The collar of her shirt was quickly damping and sticking to her throat. She trudged into her bedroom, down the three stairs, and too her glorious bed.

"Sh-shepherd," she heard a dual tone flanging voice, softly say from the couch. She jumped and spun away, furiously wiping her tears away. "Jane?! Are you ok?" She heard the couch rustle and the click of his talons on the floor as he came up behind her.

He reached for her, gently laying a large hand on her slim shoulders; she relished in its warmth, and its size, but she jerked away from him, she didn't want him to see her weak like this. His hand went back to his side and he put his head down. She turned to him, he's never looked so lost and alone, she's never seen such a powerful man look so haunted.

"Garrus?" She approached him slowly, his sub harmonics trilled a noise that sounded like a whale, it was heart wrenchingly sad and haunting. She put one hand under his chin and brought his face up to hers. His beautiful blue eyes were shimmering and watery. "What's wrong, why are you making that noise?" She wanted so badly to wrap her arms around him, wipe his tears away, and hold him until they both fell asleep.

He looked down and away from her, she saw a flash of something in his eyes; guilt. "I wanted to tell you something," he said still not looking at her but not removing her hand either. She smiled when he looked at her. "Life seems like such a bother...," he whispered and looked away again. "Before, when you were gone, I had no reason to live. I honestly wanted to die, when my squad was killed I had no will left. But then I saw you coming across that bridge, so fierce and beautiful, I had a reason. But I thought I was just hallucinating from lack of sleep," she was shocked, she didn't know his depression was this bad.

"Then after I woke up and walked into the debriefing room and asked you how my face looked, you told a joke and made me laugh for the first time in two years. Then it was just like old times; you and me fighting together, always on each other's six, but it wasn't the same. There is something wrong with me, every time I close my eyes I see their faces.

I can't eat because everything tastes like shit and I can't keep it down! But it's gotten worse and the reason for that is..." he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he opened them and stared directly into her eyes.

"It's gotten worse because I've fallen in love with my best friend, because of the way her eyes sparkle when she makes fun of me..." he smiled and looked at her with a tenderness that made her weak at the knees. "The way the sun makes her hair look like fire, and that beautiful smile and the gorgeous laugh that always follows,"

She cupped the side of his face in her hand gently.

"I love her, but she loves another and that's why My condition has worsened. Because every time I see you with him a piece of me dies. I almost did it," he whispered looking down again. "My rifle was right there," tears started to roll down his face in beautiful royal blue trails

"I was just so tired and sick. Oh Spirits I'm pathetic!" He pulled away completely and started to sob, his sobs, sounding like a whale mother calling for its dead calf, she felt tears running down her cheeks too.

He wasn't pathetic, she was, she was a terrible friend if she didn't realize how badly he was hurting. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and buried her face in his neck. He squeezed her tightly to his armored body. "Thane broke things off with me Garrus," she said against the soft sensitive skin of his throat. He squeezed her tighter, he pulled his gloves off with his teeth and ran his talon-less fingers through her coppery hair. He grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her away.

He looked into her puffy eyes. "Is it because of me?" She didn't answer and only looked down at the metal floor. "Oh spirits! I'm so sorry I..." He put a shaking hand on his forehead. His eyes were haunted again, "Tell me what I mean to you," she looked up at him questioningly.

"Your my best friend Garrus," she said he balked at her. He looked away tears trailing again.

"I'm sorry Janie," he whispered "I'm sorry I have to do this," he walked slowly up the stairs and out the door. She stood there momentarily dumbfounded, sorry he had to do what? She picked up his glove off the floor and smiled at it. Dark blue was his favorite color. She thought about what he said; all those nice things about her and that he loved her!

She didn't say it back. She was to afraid. Then she thought about what he had just said. It was like a light bulb went off in her head. She bolted to the door and into the elevator. She shifted her weight from foot to foot, she had to hurry. Finally the doors dinged open and she bolted through the mess hall. Smacking into Tali, knocking her over, she didn't stop.

She got to the battery the center was red. "EDI get this door open now!" It only took a few moments, when the door burst open she flew in Garrus was standing by his cot with his rifle pressed underneath his chin. She tackled him to the ground threw the rifle to the other side of the room.

"GARRUS!" She yelled "you stupid bastard!" He stared at her in agony.

"I love you, you dumbass!" She hit herself mentally for not saying it before. "Those things you said we're so beautiful," he sat them both up, and put his forehead against hers. His sub harmonics were trilling and chirping happily.

She straddled his lap and kissed him. He kissed back as best he could. She smiled at his trilling and purring. He sounded like a giant cat, he rubbed his forehead against hers then his cheek. His big hands cupped her face, he nuzzled their foreheads together. "My Janie," he whispered. She smiled and looked into his eyes.

"Do you love me?" He asked her quietly, staring straight into her soul.

"Yes I love you, I always have," she giggled at his happy chirps, trills, and purring. He looked at her, again his purring increasing in volume; making his chest rumble.

"Will you bond with me?" He asked quietly wrapping his strong arms around her shoulders. She smiled and kissed him again.

"Yes Garrus I will bond with you,"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: here I am again! Hahah hey I wanna hear from you guys if you like this a lot pop a review in there let me know you like it if you don't then don't flame! Constructive criticism is always welcome! **

**Beta: DANNIJEAN! I love her for real like she's awesome check out her stuff she writes like a pro.**

**Disclaimer: I only own this story.**

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Why

He woke up with a soft sigh, she was in his arms sleeping soundly. When had they fallen asleep? He had no idea but his backside was aching from being on the metal floor. He looked down to her cuddled to his hard chest.

How was she comfortable? Laying on him was like laying on solid rock, he sighed and squeezed her tiny body gently. He put his nose in her hair and breathed in her delicious scent, she slightly smelled like him he felt pride swell in his chest.

He didn't realize he was purring until she cracked an eye open and laughed at him. "I'm sorry, Turians purr when their happy," she giggled and cuddled into his chest more. He lifted her up bridal style and laid her on his bed.

She buried her nose into his pillow and breathed in his scent. He felt a instinctual urge to bond with her here and now, but he fought it, not yet too soon, took his shirt off, and crawled into bed with her. She cuddled up to him nuzzling her face to his neck, he started purring again and covered them in a blanket.

* * *

He woke with a start, he could hear them, accusing him blaming him. He sat up slowly trying not to wake Jane, she didn't need to know about this.

'Its your fault!'

He winced as he heard his late teammates whisper in his ear.

'You killed us,'

Tears began to roll down his face, their right, he did kill them, it was his fault.

'Your pitiful, useless! You stole her from him! From a dying man!'

He buried his face in his hands. No!

'Yes! Your selfish and greedy!'

Their voices slowly morphed into his father's, he put his hands over his ears.

'Filthy! Your a poor excuse for a Turian! You bring nothing but shame to this family! You make me sick!'

No! Stop!

Suddenly the voices stopped all he heard was silence. He looked down to his Jane she was staring back up at him with an accusing look.

She began to speak her voice sounding like his teammates and his father all at once, chanting 'useless!'

'Filthy,'

Over and over until he was sure his brain was going to explode. She moved toward him chanting. He rushed of bed and backed into the wall by his door. She followed still chanting her hands turning into his father's and wrapping around his throat. "Jane! Jane stop please!" He begged her but she only squeezed tighter.

He started to fight back struggling then finally she morphed into his father completely. He started to cry he could feel the tears of fear leaking down his face. "Your filth!" His father screamed and squeezed harder.

"Garrus! Garrus!" His eyes shot open at the sound of her voice. He looked around in fear, he was pressed against the wall by his door, panting and crying. His Jane was looking at him with wide panicked eyes. "Gar? Are you ok," she asked wiping his tears away. He nodded went to sit on his bed.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" She asked gently kneeling in front of him. He shook his head, he didn't want her to know about his dad, not yet. "Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything," she laid her head on his knees, he touched her hair, and frowned when he couldn't feel it through his bandages.

"I'm sure Mija," he said silently, she smiled up at him when he said the pet name. "It's not time to get up yet, come back and rest," he whispered.

"You're sure you're alright?" He nodded and she climbed up into his lap, she wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him. He wrapped his large hands around her tiny waist, and kissed her back.

"Not yet Mija," he said and laid her down. He settled down behind her and started to purr deep in his chest, he lulled her to sleep. He buried his nose into her hair and eventually found sleep as well.

* * *

Mija, I don't think bringing Thane is a good idea. I don't want any bad feelings between us to compromise the mission," he said while checking his rifle's heat sinks, she didn't answer, he looked at her.

"He has to come, we need his skills and expertise," she finished putting on her armor, and looked up at him. He was just about to answer when Thane walked into the shuttle and silently sat down in the seat closest to the window, he buckled himself in and kept his gaze in his lap.

Garrus put his head down as guilt swelled through him, the forlorn look on Thane's face made him hate himself more. He sighed and sat down in the seat next to him and buckled himself in too, he kept his head down.

"Do not feel awkward at my presence. Do not feel as though you can not show affection, after all it was I," he looked at Shepherd "Who told you to go to him," Thane places his hand on Garrus's thigh "It's better this way," he smiled then pulled his hand away and turned back to the window.

* * *

They made their way to the shuttle, tired, he was burnt on his shoulders so was Thane, but Thane also had tears in his leather coat, they were all covered in husk blood. He jumped first, he floated into the shuttle door, next came the strange Geth unit, he caught it, caught Thane, then Jane. They sped off into the dark abyss of space.

"Oh spirits!" He yelled as Dr. Chakwas begins to peel off his under suit; which was melted to his already burnt shoulders. Shepherd held his hand and rubbed his face while the doctor ripped the rest of his suit off. Before he knew it he was completely nude in front of her.

He felt heat in his face, embarrassment filled his body and he refused to meet her eyes. The only thing that would be worse is if he had everything hanging out like a human male. He probably looked disgusting to her. A soft sigh escaped his lips, the doctor began to rub soothing ointment on his burns.

"Now you go rest," she said in a soothing accent, he nodded stiffly and left the medbay as quickly as possible. He got into the battery sealed the door and dug out his spare under suit, he looked at the door, Spirits that was rough.

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**A/N: Garrus's nickname for Jane is pronounced meha I know it's Spanish i just thought that it was cute :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: hello everyone! It's been a while since I've last updated I know I'm sorry. Anyway this chapter is very special you'll see why ;).**

**Disclaimer: bio ware owns all the characters.**

**Beta: DanniJean :)**

**Enjoy**

**XOXO**

**Peachy**

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Chapter 7

He's been cooped up in the battery for some time now. He couldn't stand the silence and the guilt, of not being able to help the crew. The collectors took them so quickly, it was a saddening silence. When he went to get his physical exams it was through Mordin, Doctor Chakwas was taken.

Jane had been busy getting the Normandy ready to take on the collectors and get the crew back, he hadn't really seen her much. But there was a pro as well as a con in the situation. He had secretly been doing research on human mating customs, he didn't want Jane to know that he was so inexperienced with humans, he didn't want her to drop him and search for a more suitable mate.

So after many videos, diagrams, and stories, he finally had an idea of how to expertly woo her.

Well maybe not expertly.

He was curious to see if his mating pheromones would effect her, how she would react to his body, what kind of sounds she would make, if she would like the sounds he made. He couldn't wait to mate with her, to mark her. "Setting course for the Omega four relay, ETA two hours," Joker's voice rang out over the loud speakers.

This is it, this may be his last night with Jane. He grabbed the wine, took a deep breath, and walked to the elevator. He was about to mate with his Mija, his heart started to pound against his chest. He was slightly grateful for the slowness of the elevator. He trembled as he entered her cabin.

The air was moist and steam billowed out from underneath the bathroom door. She was exiting the shower in nothing but a towel. He sputtered and he couldn't tear his eyes away from her, "Mija," he said in a hoarse whisper. She walked up to him, put her arms around his neck.

"Is there a pet name I can call you?" She whispered softly to him.

"Mijo is the male version, but you don't have to call me anything," he cupped her face in his hands, she smiled and pressed her cheek to them.

"What does it mean?" He put his forehead against her's and released his pheromones, her pupils dilated slightly.

"It means my mate," she stepped back from him and dropped her towel from around her. He gasped at the sight of her beautiful body, her milky white skin. "Mija," his voice was full of desire for her. She stepped forward and undid the clasps of his civvies. His heart was beating so hard there was no way she couldn't hear it. He was once again bare before her and nervous.

She admired his body, it was strong, lean, and gorgeous. His plates where a shiny silver color, she slid his visor off and threw it aside. Her green eyes met his icy blue ones, he smelled like the forest after it rained, it was intoxicating. He set the wine down on the floor, he tentatively touched her shoulder, his hands trembling in fear of hurting her.

Jane grabbed his hand and placed it on her breast. "Don't be afraid you won't hurt me," she whispered and kissed his throat, he gasped.

"Turn your translator off, I want you to hear my real voice, and I want to hear yours," his voice was husky and flanging. She smiled at him and reached behind her ear and turned it off, he did the same. "I love you my Mija," she cocked her head at him and laughed. It sounded like an actual bell.

She said something to him, grabbed his hand and pulled him toward her bed, the wine all but forgotten on the floor. By the time he she got him on the cushion of the bed, he was trembling, she laid on her back, hair flaming red and billowing around her, he crawled on top of her and nuzzled her face. He brought his mouth to hers and kissed her, she opened her mouth and their tongues battles for dominance.

He, reluctantly, left her soft lips and nibbled down her neck and across her collar bone. She arched into him and moaned softly, it sounded strange but it was beautiful to him. "Your beautiful Mija," she looked at him and with her strange alien voice said something back. Her words sounded odd and made no sense to him, he chirped and trilled at her. Her eyes lit up, he nuzzled his head into her neck and released his scent again.

He completely bathed her in his smell. He settled between her legs, ran his hands over her breasts, down her stomach, and gripped her hips. He moaned when he felt her tiny hands on his fringe, he growled when she scratched the sensitive skin underneath.

He felt his groin plates shift and he slid out. She pulled his head down and he nuzzled against her throat, and slowly slid inside her. It was amazing, no Turian woman ever felt that good. They started moving together simulatiously, their moans loud and full of desire.

He held her close to him, he trilled and purred in her ear in between moans. Her moans sounded beautiful and alien to him. He was nearing his end, he looked into her eyes and sped up. Just as they were about to tip over the edge of bliss, he sunk his teeth into her neck and marked her.

Then she sunk her teeth into his neck, with a bit more effort, and effectively bonding them together. They found bliss together, first her then him.

They turned their translators back on. "I love you my Mija," he said between pants.

"I love you to Mijo," she panted back. He rolled off of her and pulled her to his chest, he began to purr loudly trying to lull her fatigued body to sleep. He looked at her bedside clock, one hour until what might be his last fight, he held her close and succumbed to sleep with her.

* * *

"This is it Commander! Hang on!" Joker yelled as the red electricity surrounded the Normandy and shot it through the relay. He wrapped his arm around Jane's waist and braced himself on the back of Joker's pilot chair. The Normandy shot out of hyper space into a massive debris field. "Whoa some of these ships are ancient!" Garrus looked out the overhead windows, the ship bone yard was massive, everything seemed to be swirling around a sun centered in the midst of it all.

"There it is!" He said pointing toward a massive ship, the only other one that seemed to be intact, moving against the debris current. It was massive in size and scope making the Normandy look like a fruit fly.

"We are heading toward the debris field Jeff," EDI's avatar popped up next to Joker "brace for impact," Garrus used the magnetic clips on the heels of his boots to hold him in place. He wrapped his arm around Jane's waist. Joker dodged and flew around debris and ship wrecks trying to find an empty space to level out.

"Spirits I hope the armor plating holds!" He said through gritted teeth. The Normandy did a barrel roll and burst out of a tight spot. Garrus and Jane shared a look.

This was gonna be a bumpy ride.

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	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: sorry this took a while I have school now and all that fun bullshit. This chapter is tender because I just couldn't write the fight scene, I lost my best friend Saturday night in a car wreck, I don't think I've ever been this emotional in sorry if these chapters take a while I just need to heal he would've been 20 today. God.**

**Sorry if that was too personal I just felt you all should have an explanation.**

**Beta: DanniJean as always :)**

**Disclaimer: BioWare owns all the characters and mass effect 2 I only own this story, sadly.**

**Enjoy**

**XOXO Peach**

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Chapter 8

"There's a haul breach!" Garrus snapped his head up and unclasped his mag boots.

"What do you mean there's a breach!" EDI pulled up a ship map for him, the cargo hold blinking red. "Fuck, come on Mija let's kick ass!" They made their way to the cargo hold as fast as they could, grabbing Thane for extra help.

They put their helmets on, a large machine with a laser had ripped a gaping hole in the cargo hold wall and a bit of the floor. They ducked into cover as the machine began to shoot at them. It moved over top of them pinning everyone in a corner and separating Garrus and Thane from Shepherd.

She rolled out of cover with her rocket launcher, fired a shot then rolled back in. She reloaded, leaned out to shoot again, but it shot at her feet. The force threw her across the room and slammed her into the wall, she slid down and dropped her weapon. The machine descended apon her.

"Mija!"

"Siha!" The men looked at each other, connecting over their most common interest, Shepherd.

Seeing his Mija pinned against the wall next the the gaping hole while that thing fired its laser ignited the fire in his belly. He stood up grabbed her rocket launcher, adrenaline pumped through his veins as he charged the mechanical monster. With a throaty, terrifying snarl he knelt down, aimed and blew a hole threw it. It's red center flickered once then shut off completely.

He kicked it out of the way and ran to Jane. He gathered her in his arms and let everything and everyone disappear. He nuzzled her forehead and buried his face in her hair trying to wake her up. When his focus returned he was aware of another presence, his predator instinct flared up and he growled.

What if they were here to hurt his Mija?

What if they tried to take her away! No he'd kill them all of them. He looked up ready to attack anyone who came to close. There was a man standing a few feet away from them, his head down, his fists clenched. He knew this man he was no threat. Slowly he calmed down.

"Are we done here," Thane whispered annoyance and hurt creeping into his voice. He stood pulling Shepherd with him. She shook her head to clear the grogginess.

"Thane I-" he was abruptly cut off.

"Save it Vakarian," he turned and walked ahead of the couple, his steps echoed painfully through the empty cargo hold. Garrus felt guilt well up in his chest and soon spread through out his body.

His heart clenched painfully while they followed behind, he stole her from him, he put his head down. Jane touched his face but he pulled away.

'Useless!'

'Selfish!'

'Worthless!'

The words echoed loudly in his head, bouncing off his brain painfully like a pin ball. He winced and grabbed the sides of his head. He wanted to scream but he reigned himself in not in front of Jane or Thane.

They piled into the elevator, Garrus and Jane in the back, Thane standing in front of them, tension rolling off of his body in waves. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he let it out slowly and opened his eyes. His father's voice echoing all around him. 'You'll never be anything! Your going to be alone for the rest of your life because your a disgrace! An embarrassment!'

He cast his eyes down toward his feet, knowing the words were true. She would leave him when she found out how worthless he was. His sub-harmonics where softly keening a heartbreaking noise he knew Jane couldn't hear. The doors to the elevator opened on the crew deck, Thane and Garrus stepped out while Jane continued up to the cockpit.

He was going to have a break down, it was coming quickly so he sprinted across the mess hall and into the battery, sealing the doors shut. Now was not the time for this but he couldn't stop it. He started gasping, air just didn't seem to want to enter his lungs, and crawled into the corner, the corner that he seemed to spend a majority of his time in nowadays.

He started sobbing, tears welling up in his eyes blinding him, he didn't hear his door open over the sound of his heart pounding in his head. He jumped when he felt gentle hands wipe the tears from his eyes, take his hand and give a gentle reassuring squeeze.

He looked down expecting to see tiny, pale, white hands but saw large green ones. He looked up into fathomless black eyes. The inky depths held a warmth that he didn't think was possible. He watched the strong body stand before him tugging on his hand, he stood.

The warmth of the hands disappeared and he reached for it, he didn't want to be alone but Mija was the commander, she had other things to do then dote on him whenever he decided to have a breakdown. The warmth returned and tugged him toward his cot. Thane sat down and pulled Garrus's legs over his thighs.

He knew how unstable the Gunnery Chief was, he understood what it felt like to have someone special taken right out from under your nose. They stayed like that for a long time, Thane's sub-harmonics trilling out comforting sounds as he stroked his hand over Garrus's fringe. He wasn't sure where this tenderness came from, but it was there and he couldn't resist it.

Garrus's gaze rested on the far wall of the battery from his bed, he was on his back with his head turned to the left. He felt the fog lifting from his mind with each pass of the large warm hand over his fringe. He knew it was Thane and he felt strangely okay with that. He felt his eyes close and began to doze when the ship lurched, throwing both of them off the bed and against the wall.

Garrus hit first then Thane smashed into him. "Sorry," he chuckled as he picked himself off of Garrus's lap. He reached down and helped Him up. Thane turned to leave when he felt a three fingered hand grip his shoulder.

"Thank you," Garrus whispered "You have no idea what that means to me," Thane smiled.

"No need to thank me, your good to her and that's what matters," he then turned and disappeared across the mess hall. Garrus was taken aback by what just happened. He felt a strange tenderness toward the infuriating green man. He selflessly gave Mija to him knowing he would die and leave her behind lonely. Garrus shook his head and sank back down on his cot. He felt a strange sense of longing for the Drell, one he couldn't place.

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**Please review I really wanna hear from y'all.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A**/**N: ok this chapter is a heart jerker I sorry I couldn't help it. Anyway I WANNA HEAR FROM YOU GUYS DAMMIT! Leave me reviews stout making me sad!**

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Chapter 9

"Garrus I want you leading the second team," Jane reluctantly decided, she knew that Jack wouldn't follow Miranda and Garrus had voiced his distaste for that as well, there was no one more suited for the task. His brow plates pulled down in a frown but he said nothing.

"Thane Grunt you come with me," Garrus stiffened but kept his silence, "Legion I want you to go through the vent shafts,"

"Yes Shepherd-Commander," They climbed out of the ship and boarded the collector base. She grabbed Garrus by the cowl and pulled him down to her. "You stay in radio contact with me at all times you hear?" He twisted out of her grasp with an unreadable look on his face and nodded.

"Same to you," he jogged off to meet up with his team. She knew he was upset with her but she didn't trust anyone else to successfully lead that team.

The vent shafts were a lot more stressful then need be but when did anything go right for her? God Harbinger was such a royal pain in the ass, it seemed that every time she turned around he was possessing another collector and blocking her way to Legion. "Shepherd-Commander," she heard the panic in his metallic voice in her ear.

"Circuits on the verge of failing!" She flared blue and shot out singularity. She dashed past the collectors, the power was strewing about in the air, and pushed the button effectively saving Legion and calming her racing heart.

"Shepherd, meeting heavy resistance, we're managing but you need to hurry!" She jumped at the sound of Garrus through her earpiece. They rushed into the door legion had opened. Her comm crackled to life again a slightly panicked voice filtered through. "Shepherd!"

"Legion get that door open!" The door behind them closed and the one in front slid open. The rest of her crew backed into the room holding off the massing collector forces. The door began to slide closed, a shot came through a weak spot in their defense and just as the doors shut, it hit Garrus in the stomach.

He grunted, she ran to him "Are you okay?!" He nodded and stood ramrod straight, shook his head slightly. She wasn't convinced, but they had no time to dwell.

Finding the room with the pods was a ghastly sight. Pods lined every wall the celling, everywhere. A cold feeling settled in her gut, the hair on the back of her neck rose. "Shepherd! This one's alive!" She snapped her head towards Garrus who was looking into a pod, it contained a woman, who was beginning to wake. Something began to happen within the pod. She started to scream and pound on the glass.

The pod slowly filled with blood and she was gone, they got the Normandy's crew out of the pods before, they too, where melted. She split them up, she sent Mordin back with the crew, and Samara along with Grunt and Thane to accompany her into the seeker tunnel. Garrus once again leading the second team, he shot her a loving look before they separated. She felt that warm look from him fill her heart, it gave her confidence, she nodded to her team and they set out.

Samara was a strong biotic, there was no denying that. Where anyone one else would've collapsed she stayed on her feet.

She picked Garrus and Thane to accompany her to the baby human reaper. After a heroic speech they were off, She felt arms wrap around her waist and a mandible flick softly against her cheek. "I love you Mija," she smiled, turned and laid a hand on his face. She then turned back to the console, piloting it towards the giant malevolent beast.

She turned to look at Garrus, prepared to say something witty, when she stopped short, Garrus was standing next to Thane with an arm wrapped around his shoulders clearly offering him comfort. Thane had a smile on his face and laughed when Garrus said something she couldn't hear, he laughed, and gave him a friendly smack on the shoulder.

She was taken aback at how good they looked standing next to each other, and that smile on Thane's face was sweet, adorable. She loved how Garrus could seem to brighten a room or a mood with just a few words. Her boys looked at her; both with smiles on their faces, those smiles were just for her. She felt like a woman at that moment, the most gorgeous woman alive. She blushed and turned back to the console.

Jane put the platform on autopilot, turned and went towards her boys. She started with Garrus, cupped his face and kissed his forehead. Then she turned to Thane grabbed his face and also kissed his forehead. "It's time to kick ass boys," she whispered gently to them.

* * *

The run back to the Normandy was taxing. The station was exploding all around them, collectors were shooting at them, Harbinger was whispering threats.

She ducked as Harbinger shot a ball of black energy at her. It soared over her head and hit Thane in the back. He gasped in pain and crumpled to the ground. Garrus scooped him up bridal style and charged ahead. Jane felt desperation at the sight of his limp bloody body in her Mijo's arms.

She jumped over the gap between the ground and the door of the Normandy. She severely miss judged the distance and held on to the edge. Shots pinged against the metal all around her, she felt her fingers slipping... this was it, she was to die closed her eyes, omly to snap them open when she felt large hands grab her and heave her onto the Normandy. EDI took the ship out of the Collector base's orbit.

"Where is Thane!?" She yelled to the Normandy crew.

"Shepherd!" Mordin ushered her into the elevator. "Severe burns on the back. Blood loss. Kelpar's not making this easy," she felt fear pool in the pit of her stomach.

"Is he going to die Mordin?" He didn't answer, a tear made its way down her cheek. In a soft voice Mordin whispered,

"If it would have hit Garrus it wouldn't have hurt him, but Thane has flesh not plates, I'm sorry Shepherd I understand what he means to you," He laid a gentle hand on her shoulder and lead her out of the elevator and to the med bay. Thane was lying in the bed closest to the AI core, Garrus was seated at the side with one of Thane's hands firmly in his.

He was all bandaged up, the top of his coat was ruined, his heart beat was the only sound in the small room. She went up to Garrus and settles in his lap wrapping her hands around Garrus's and Thane's. She buried her face in his neck and let the tears fall.


End file.
